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funhouse mirrors

Started by howard · 10 months ago

“Come back,
show your face;
can’t you see?
You’re too good
for this place;
can we leave?”
-The Frames (”Suffer in Silence“)
I posted this lyric because every time the song comes up on my mp3 player%2 ... Continue reading »

3 comments

  • PJ

    1 year ago

    If only.

    As a female who didn't particularly care much what people thought when I was growing up, I admit it puzzles me a little too. Now I have a preteen daughter and I wish I had a better insight.
    reply
  • howard

    1 year ago

    You're my dream girl, but you're no help at all ;)

    But seriously, most of my reason for posting this is that I wish I had a better insight too - or at least some insight.
    reply
  • Ellen

    1 year ago

    I am the ultimate hypocrite as I do not for all the world want other women to do this (especially my most wonderful niece), but I have definitely internalized such concepts. Not to excuse it, but I had plenty of reinforcement from the exes - I only ever had one ex who thought I was pretty (the most recent one was a master of the backhanded physical put down - versions of "you look so much less fat and ugly than you usually do today"). I think with me, what I got slammed for was the twofer - the looks deficit plus the lack of feminine ambitions (likes: math, dislikes: dusting...) in general. It's a lot of why I left the dating game.

    But as someone with a niece and as someone who taught young women for a long time, I flinch when I hear it in others and try (if appropriate) to amend it. With my niece, it is especially hard as she was a gorgeous little girl, but my sister wanted to discourage everyone from continuously defining her by looks and wanted us to compliment her for other facets of her personality, and at times I wonder if she would realize how beautiful she is if I found a way to tell her it more.

    Where I am also a hypocrite is that I never understood the trait in men (incl. the exes) of looks-stamping someone as "famous crushes" include not just stereotypical lookers but "lesser" men like John Goodman, Richard Belzer and my all time biggest honey, Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I think that's why I railed so hard while in these relationships instead of bailing - I was unable to see why I was judged this way instead of realizing it wasn't a fight worth fighting.
    reply

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